She barges in like an angel of vengeance, hitting me with conflicting emotions. Fuck, she is beautiful.
I see her from my spot at the bar where I’ve been nursing whiskey, not really enjoying it. Miserable all day, I can’t even get drunk. When I see her now, I’m glad I didn’t.
Her eyes dart around, but she hasn’t spotted me yet. I should go to her, but for a moment I want to enjoy the view. It might be the last time I see her. A gullible part of me allows the hope to creep in. She came, after all. That must count for something.
She’s wearing jeans and a simple T-shirt and her hair is in a messy bun on top of her head. Just being her. Even more attractive than last night when she was all dolled up. I relish the sight until our eyes lock and goosebumps cover my skin.
Over the heads of the patrons, with the pounding music, we freeze for what feels like an eternity. Her expression softens for a beat, but then, as if remembering who I am, she glares and her jaw tightens.
I’m probably projecting because she isn’t close enough to be sure, but there is hurt and determination in her expression. A warrior princess.
Shame I’m the target, but in that moment I know deep in my bones there is nothing I wouldn’t do for her.
I should be scared, worried that this is the last time I’ll see her, but there are other competing emotions wrecking me. The most prevalent is pride. I’m so proud she is pissed at me. Proud she didn’t let me push her around, feed her bullshit. Proud she’s standing up for herself.
It sucks because it doesn’t bode well for me, but I’ll take her anger, her fight, her everything and anything. She is here and I’ll fight for her.
When she ran away last night, I realized one scary thing. I can’t lose her. I can’t because…I love her. I don’t know how that happened this fast, but Jesus Christ, I love her.
Even from here, I see the war behind her eyes. I’m not sure if I’m winning or losing and suddenly I can’t take it anymore. I storm over to her, shoving at least one paying customer to the side. Never once do I break eye contact with her. When I’m an inch away, I falter, because what the hell was my intention?
My hesitation is brief. As soon as her scent whiffs my way and I see up close the dark circles under her eyes, I cup her face and capture her lips. Clearly, my communication skills haven’t improved overnight.
Her arms flail and she stiffens, reminding me of our first kiss when she seized my lips and I kind of reacted the same way. I ran away that time and I don’t want to give her the opportunity to do the same. I’m not sure what the plan is. But if my best game is to tire her out through kissing, so be it.
She isn’t kissing me back, but she isn’t exactly pulling away, so I don’t let go. God, she tastes like heaven. Even her not participating is the sweetest kiss. Like the first cherries of the season my sister and I used to steal from our neighbor. Forbidden and so delicious.
Or the steaming hot cookies we would grab from the pan right after Mom pulled them out of the oven. Hot, melting decadence that makes your stomach ache, but you don’t want to stop eating.
Her breath hot on my face, she groans against my lips. The sound is divine. It sparks cautious hope and I’m a desperate man right now, so I’ll take anything.
“Dammit,” she mumbles and then kisses me. I don’t think I’m out of the woods, but I’m chipping at her defenses. Still. Painfully aware we can’t kiss our way out of this, I pull away. With regret.
Her flushed cheeks grow redder and she shakes her head, closing her eyes briefly. When she opens them, the warrior is back. “So what was I? Some kind of a charity case for you?”
“Let’s talk in my office.” Not waiting for the answer, I grab her hand and drag her behind me.
Jason jumps out when I kick the door open. “What the f—” He takes in the scene. “I’ll let you talk.” Before closing the door behind him, he gives me a thumbs up. Well, no shit, if he’d kept his mouth shut yesterday… Never mind.
I lock the door and turn to face her. She stands with her feet apart, her hands crossed over her chest. “Talk.”
I rub the back of my neck. “I don’t even know how it started. At first I thought, some sort of weird bond formed the night I saved you. I thought of you more often than reasonable, wondering if you’re okay. You see…” I sigh. “My sister got mixed up with the wrong guy, ended up addicted to drugs and alcohol and I wasn’t there to help her out. She didn’t make it.”
Sasha’s shoulders sag and she bites her lip, her eyes softening. “I’m sorry about your sister.”
God, I hope she’ll forgive me. “Yeah, she didn’t make it and I guess the whole thing with you started because, without realizing, I was working on some of the guilt I carry. I looked you up and I told myself I just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t end up like Claudia. That’s my sister. I followed you around like a creep.” I utter a humorless chuckle. “You couldn’t find a stable job and by chance I followed you the day you applied at the diner. I encouraged Larry to give you the job. I also motivated the landlord at your place.” I wince and Sasha exhales, shaking her head.
“I thought that by setting you up with a job and a place to live, I’d move on. But then two weeks later, I needed to check on you again. I followed you on your way to work, telling myself I needed to make sure you’re safe. In some strange way, it was therapeutic for me to see how you took on your new life and thrived regardless of your circumstances or your past.”
“James,” she groans and sits on the sofa, conflict brewing on her face.
“Let me finish. It started as a fucked-up way to ensure you didn’t end up with another Bruce or on the street, but I enjoyed watching you. You’re beautiful, Sasha. The most alluring woman I’ve ever met. So I continued stalking you and—”
“And the little acts of kindness.”
“Oh, well, I’d appreciate if that’s your take on things.” Fairly selfish acts, but I won’t remind her of that.
She leans back and closes her eyes. Dreadful moments tick away on the imaginary clock of my redemption. I drop to my knees because I totally would crawl to get to her. To break that wall she’s built around herself. I put my hands on her thighs, desperate for contact.
She sighs and opens her eyes. “Goddammit, James, even when you’re screwing up big time, your intentions are noble. What am I supposed to do with that?”
“Is that a hint of forgiveness I hear?” I smile.
She glares. “How can I trust you after this?”
“You can’t and you shouldn’t.” I lean closer. “But I promise to make you feel like a queen every day and never lie to you again. I will gain your trust even if it takes me a lifetime.”
“James, I can’t have you saving me without my knowledge. I don’t want that. I don’t want you to step in and solve things for me. As chivalrous as it was last night on the dance floor, I need to learn to stand on my own feet. I know I don’t have a track record of doing a good job taking care of myself. And God knows having your attention is like a balm for my wounded soul, but damn it, James, I need you to believe in me. You’re a generous man, but I need to know you can give me the most important things in my life.”
“Of course. Name it.” I let the hope swell.
“Respect and the opportunity to learn from my mistakes. And then a shoulder to cry on when I fuck up.” A tiny smile ghosts her lips.
I seize them and this time she welcomes the invasion. Fueled by our hurt and the hungry need to atone, to surrender, to forget and feel better, this kiss turns desperate and frantic. Soon, I’m pulling her jeans down and spreading her knees.
Sasha moans and I lower my mouth, parting her wet folds with my tongue.
“James,” she sighs, fisting my hair. “God.” She pulls me away. “Will you try to resolve all issues this way?”
I risk it and smile wickedly. “Will it work?”
“Not a chance.” She swats at me half-heartedly.
“Okay, I’ll rely on talking, but I’ll probably go down on you every time just to remind you that even when I fuck up—and I will—your happiness is my sole mission.”
With that, I dive in because I’m a selfish bastard and I need to hear her scream my name. But I need to make her feel better.
Cherished. Worshiped.
Somehow this woman is giving me a second chance and I vow in that moment, I will never fail her again.
– END –
Oh, but there is an epilogue – watch out for the next email from me:-)